This Old House….

This is it. A three bedroom ranch located in Westchester County, NY. A house on a quiet cul-de-sac tucked away in a quiet corner of a quiet little town. Asking price these days is probably around $400,000. Okay, this is not a entry about real estate.  You see, this is my childhood home. This is where I lived with my father, my mother, my brother, and my dog, Murphy.  This was our house.  That window, all the way to left, overlook the driveway, that was my room. All the way to the left, you can see the large red Japanese maple.  I remember when my mom and dad planted that. It was not much taller than I was at the time. The tree has grown and is beautiful. The house has changed alot. Whoever moved in made it their house.  The people who used to live in this house have grown and are beautiful too. Two who lived in this house are no longer alive – Murphy, our hyperactive ADD Labrador retriever with a penchant for leg humping, and my mother, who is buried in the cemetary not too far from this old house.  My dad and his spouse moved to North Carolina. My brother has his own house, with his wife and his three beautiful children.  The tree has grown. I am a city boy now, like I always dreamed of being in that bedroom above the garage.  I’ve lived in many cities since leaving this house, most not my own. Now I live in New York City again, and I am home.  This old house is just that – my old house. It holds alot of memories, some good, some not so good. I guess this picture can represent my past. It’s where i grew up, it’s where I lived, it’s where I left from to go to college, and it’s where I left from to begin adulthood. I left this house behind many years ago. I thought it would be nice to just go up one more time, take a good look and say good-bye. You can’t hold on to the past forever. You can’t regret it either. You can’t let it rule you. You should never forget it, but it’s time to move on. Saying goodbye is never easy.  I am real bad at goodbyes.  I hold onto things like they were gold. But I have my own house now and it is slowly but surely getting in order.  After a week of some shake-ups disappointments and turmoil, I came home to my house, the one I live in now. I have my own pets, my cats, my own books, my own inventory so to speak.  I have my own space. I am careful what and who I let into it, just as I have to be careful who and what I let into my life.  Life can really throw you some curve balls. But then you take a look back and just begin to notice that sometimes you just can’t hold onto things.  Promising friendships end in angry words, and connections and bonds shared are severed comepletely by an acidic tongue in a moment of despair and fear. Like all houses, this one had some good tings happen, and some bad things happen. They are all part of its story. Family and friends gathering for Thanksgiving and Cookouts in the backyard, of gathering for the funeral of a lost relative. Milestones like graduations and proms and wedding anniversaries. all connect back here. Moments in time that came and went. Like this old house, I have had my moments in time that have come and are now gone – moments with people, places and things. Like this old house, there are some things that are good in me, and some things bad.

So today I said good-bye to this old house. There will not be any reasons for me to visit it too much. I still have to visit the past though. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. But as I write this tonight with a heavy heart and a troubled soul, I am comforted knowing that the sum total of all my experiences has led me to where I am right now – just where I ought to be. It’s Sunday going into Monday, a new week begins, a new page turns, a new week with a few new people in my life, and a few people now gone, another day to start life over, without looking back.