Sorting the Wheat from the Chaff

Okay, so tonight’s blog is not going to be as whimsical as it usually is.  I warned you folks I might get heavy sometimes here.  I gave you Pope on a rope  and how to make your own pope hat out of a newspaper the other day. Tonight I need to vent a little, or at least unleash my restraint of pen and tongue.  Sorting the wheat from the chaff basically is sorting through the grain that is of use and the grain that has no usefulness. So what am I talking about. Well if could be I am talking about separating the lambs from the wolves in my life, or an even better analogy, wolves in sheep’s clothing. While I do get personal here on my end, no names or locations will be mentioned of other parties  to avoid libel and slander. So what am I talking about. I am talking about the crazymakers. From our earliest days we are told we must be loyal to friends, family, and those who are in authority.We are convinced that it is the right thing to do. Unfortunately, what we are sometimes not taught is that holding on to some relationships is toxic. There is a differene between being loyal and stupid, open and weak. We need not be loyal to those who are not loyal to who WE (meaning I) choose to be. There are many kinds of toxic people, I know it’s important for me to recognize them and pluck them off like fleas. Oh yes, there will be anger and hurt feelings, and the obligatory ominous warnings of impending disaster. But removing poisonous people from your life is ultimately less painful than allowing them to continue to convince you that your happiness, your life choices, your dreams, your personal level of success and health, is an illusion. Toxic friends, well-meaning guides and self appointed judge-and-juries come in a variety of flavors and costumes. There are those who hate to see anyone lift themselves up, to move forward and take positve steps towards growth. They may have been there for you when you were struggling, but can’t seem to be happy for you when you have decided to move forward. There are those that are the buzz kills, the Debby Downers, the Mr. Ominous Warning Man types, no matter what you are happy about (new job, new career direction, new love), they are just so WORRIED about you. They are there for one reason: to kill your hope. After all why should I be happy? They are not and they need to put their shit on you.  Can you really trust a person like this? The most dangerous type of all is the Big Brother/Big Sister father figure type. At some point, they were genuine and were there for you. But you grew up and they didn’t notice.  They are particularly dangerous because they are friendly fire. They are mad because you’ve decided to take some control over your own life and make some decisions without consulting them.  This is all about control people. Your inabilities (my inabilities)  have become part of their self-esteem. If I don’t need Big Brother-type to help me with a decision, what is he supposed to do all that great advice? Here’s a piece of advice for these types: Use it to fix your own (likely) screwed up lives. I guess what I am saying is that God, Higher Power, the Universe, gave us the ability to grow and change. Trust him or her or it. It’s all you need. And find friends who cheer you when you do well, who support your dreams, and hang on to you when you screw up. Letting go of a significant but toxic relationship is difficult. But dragging around the baggage of doubt is a lot harder. If you can’t think of a good reason a crazymaker is in your life, a reason that’s good for you,  then cut them loose. God, the universe,  will bring you more.  Far be it from me to suggest that friends or guides are disposable. But neither are your dreams. I treat my dreams like they are my best friend, and defend them from the toxins of the world. In other words, you can fuck with my head, you can insult my intelligience, you can laugh at my haircut, or criticize my choice in shoes, but you cross the line when you fuck with my dreams and goals. Doing that breaks a trust, and that can never be regained.