Hitting Another Brick Wall

In the last few weeks, I have found myself in an interesting and glorious situation that has enhanced and also threatened my serenity. I had reunited with a lost love and the days and nights were filled with hopes and dreams, with a mix of recriminations and apologies for past deeds done that I wish I never have done. This is an interesting time in my sobriety where I faced the beginning again of the most rewarding and fulfilling relationship of my life and the possibility of losing that again. There are times when I think that I miss the excitement of irresponsibility and the extreme life highs that can come as a result of being a raging alcoholic. The spontaneous and unstable free fall that comes with caring about few consequences and living with reckless abandon. The drama. The sheer intensity in which an addict lives. This is not one of those times. This is a time where I am trying to embrace what recovery has taught me. And it has been hard. Where I once used to respond with anger, I have held my restraint of pen and tongue, because I know I am not right in this situation and the other person needs to own their anger at me. It isn’t easy having someone angry at you. But I am powerless over that anger, and as much as I want to fix it, I can’t. It’s been, in the last three weeks, joyous, blissful and frustrating to say the least.

 I have been remarkably tempted to try to re-script events and feelings that have been dormant for years. And for what? To try and rectify what I couldn’t fix in the first place. Other people’s actions. My inability to exist in that life. It doesn’t work for me anymore. Re-writing the past is not an option. Living in the present and being fully present in life is the most rewarding and healthy option for someone who almost lost life so many times. I can’t rewrite what has happened in the past. I still regret it. I have not come to a point in the promises where I will not regret the past nor wish to shut to door on  it. If I had a magic want there are certain things I would do which could make a lot of hurt and anguish I caused disappear. But I don’t and I can’t. Everyone writes their own story. I can write mine. She can write hers. While my heart is filled with hope that our stories can converge, I have to accept that I am powerless over the situation. I can’t make people feel any different. I can’t force forgiveness. I can’t change another’s thought process or decision making process. I wish I could. But there again, where would be freedom in that. Enforcing your will on others never goes well. As I write this, I am in a state of controlled panic. I have to be cool because I have a work day to get through, but this is one of those days where I wish I could stay home and just hide under the covers. But I can’t. I have to walk through like, even if I feel like all my skin has been ripped off of me and I am raw emotionally and physically. Having the fates in other peoples hands does not sit well with me. Yet I have no choice.

Happy New Year 2009

Well today is the first day of the new year, 2009. Let old acquaintance be forgot and all that jazz. 2008 will be remembered for the turmoil and change that brought the world a challenging financial recession and America it’s first African American President. As I look back on the year 2008, it was a year of big change for me. There are some changes that I don’t like, but I see now as necessary to get to where I am at today. It will probably be one of the more memorable years of my life, notwithstanding many regrets I may have. You always regret those argument and rifts that can sometimes permanently damage relationships and cause you to really take a hard look at yourself and your behavior.

It’s also a chance to look back and see where you and where I did some right things. Four short months ago, I travelled to Brazil to work as a volunteer in a day care center for children from the poorest of the poor neighborhoods in Salvador, Bahia. I went through an organization called Cross Cultural Solutions. It was a magical time and for me something I will never forget. Those children are very much on my mind everyday and when I think of my own personal financial and economic struggles, I have a point of reference that says “There but the grace of God go I”. I have been caught up in the economic recession, but I still have a roof over my head, heat on these cold winter nights and food to eat. I have no steady job right now but manage to make somewhat of a living as a freelance writer and over the last few months have learned a lot about the craft of being a writer for hire, a jack of all trades yet master of none. Being a ghostwriter is weird beyond all belief. I have written 300 word articles on clothes hangers, flooring and DUI lawyers. Sometimes as much as 50 a day. Try finding something interesting to say about flooring after you are on article number 12. It ain’t easy let me tell you. It’s not like posting random blogs on subjects of my choosing.

So i sit here in my apartment on a very cold New Years day and have made my list of New Year’s resolutions last night and am starting to stick to them. One of them was to write on this blog more with as much zest as I did when I started it. There was a lot of election coverage in addition to my travels to Brazil along with some personal musings like when I visited the house of my childhood a few months back. I wrote some book reviews, attended a book party, took some stands on some issues and definitely made my views known.

I guess I want to take this blog in a different direction. Reading the news these days can make one depressed and sometimes feel outright terror and despair. While the financial crisis appears to be very real, and I know of many people who are touched by it, the media is amplifying it to keep people in the mindset of scarcity. I just can’t buy into that. It’s also very hard to find a story that is positive, about people who are making a difference in the world, people who volunteer their time for others, people who are making astonishing breakthroughs in science and medicine, people who are standing up for what is right and good without being labelled kooks.  I briefly touched on this during my book review about people who stood up to the government like the librarian who refused to hand over library records of people who checked out books that Homeland Security wanted to know about. It’s these stories that you often have to go to the Internet for because they are just not that sensational for the traditional media to cover. I know, I am a writer for hire, and I have yet to get asked to write about someone who is making a difference in the world. I usually write about something that will sell a product or a service because that is what the market is right now. People are not paying the big bucks or any bucks for that matter for a story about a teacher who stays with a student long after the school day is over to help them as they struggle with a math problem. It’s these unsung heroes that need to get a little push here in Internet land. You can go to Fox News or ABC’s 20/20 for the exclusive interview with Ashlee Dupree, the escort who brought down Elliot Spitzer.

I guess what I am trying to say here in my rambling New Year message is that I am going to try to write about more positive stories, something that lifts up not tears down. I got sucked into the political process as much as anyone and was very willing to muckrake the people  I perceived as opponents. I made no bones about who I was supporting during this election, but did I really have to write a entry about Bristol Palin being pregnant. Did I have to join the chorus of media outlets and bloggers who had such glee that the daughter of a socially conservative vice presidential nominee was pregnant and that qualified as news as well as cannon fodder for those of us who, like myself, are very quick to point out to foibles of social conservatives. What was there to gain in that. Bristol had a baby boy and its healthy. She did not need to be dragged into the political game of bread and circuses that became Campaign 2008. I for one regret jumping on that bandwagon and experiencing a certain glee at the whole thing. Sarah Palin is not my cup of tea, but did I really have to go along with the crowd and report the pregnancy as the rumors in blogland started to escalate. I guess it’s just a case of being a follower and not a leader. When I write from my truth, I can write some pretty profound and wonderful things. When I jump on bandwagons or try to write exposes, it’s then when I get a little off balance.

So the campaign is over, it’s a new year and I am turning over a new leaf. No more negative stories, no more boycott stories, no more anti-anything. There’s plenty of that around. I am going to look for things that inspire me and may inspire other people. It’s probably not too hard to find. There are ordinary people who do extraordinary things everyday. I am going to find some of them and write about them and about organizations that are doing some good in the world. I am going to use my writing gift wisely and not use it to divide but unite.  May you all have a blessed and peaceful and inspiring 2009.

Barack Obama Elected 44th President of the United States

 

 

Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States

Democratic Senator Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States in a historic election that will put an African American in the Oval Office for the first time. To a gathered crowd in Grant Park in Chicago, he announced that “Change has come to America”, a theme that dominated his campaign that began on the steps of the old statehouse in Springfield, Illinois. “The road may be long,  our climb may be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America — I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you — we as a people will get there.” His opponent, Senator John McCain of Arizona called the President-Elect and congratulated him on his historic victory and pledged in his concession speech to do all in his power to to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.

President Bush also called Obama to congratulate him, as jubilant crowds gathered outside the White House to celebrate Obama’s historic victory. From Times Square and Harlem in New York to a little village in Kenya, people were celebrating the outcome of this election after one of the longest, hard-fought campaigns America has seen. It was also the most expensive, with the combined total reaching nearly $1 billion. Reports estimated that Barack Obama spent $8 for every vote cast for him.

Obama came from behind to capture the Democratic nomination after a long battle with Senator Hillary Clinton of New York. He emerged victorious, selected Senator Joe Biden as his running mate, and began a general election campaign that saw the greatest economic collapse since the great depression and two very diverse visions for the country. Obama flipped key states such as Virginia, Ohio and Florida into the Democratic column, cementing his victory and dealing a blow to the red state-blue state mentality.

Tonight saw history being made in this country as we elected our first African-American president. May God Bless him and guide him as he begins his journey to leading our nation. President-Elect Obama faces a global economic crisis, two wars, and a collapsing environment. Heavy is the head that wears the crown it has been said of leaders. Tonight, his plate got very full. But for the moment, let us who choose to bask in this historic moment and know that in America, anything is possible. We have broken through a barrier that was never thought possible and we shall wake up tomorrow once again a United States of America. The campaign is over, but the work has yet to begin. May it begin in earnest, with the promise of a better tomorrow. Yes we can!

John McCains Campaign Ads Are Full of Lies

John McCain’s campaign is deliberately running false and inaccurate televsion advertisements. He’s that desperate. Watch this video and judge for yourself. He is distorting Obama’s record and he’s getting called out on it. McCain-Palin – Dishonesty First

Sarah Palin Gets Protected From Witchcraft, Made Women Pay for Rape Kits

Current Governor of Alaska and political laughing stock of the planet Sarah Palin may not have much going for her these days, but as this youtube video suggests, she is protected from withcraft.  So she has that going for her going into next Thursday’s Vice Presidential Debate against the mighty Joe Biden. Now if this video is not enough to make you gag, this little factoid about her tenure as Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska will. Apparently, the chief of police in this lovely little town required women to pay for their own rape examinations while she was mayor. I am not makig this up, CNN has this on their website.  According to former Alaska State Representative  Eric Croft, he sponsored a bill in the Alaska legislature requiring cities to provide the examinations free of charge. He states that the only ongoing resistance he got was from Wasilla. “It was one of those things everyone could agree on except Wasilla,” Croft told CNN. “We couldn’t convince the chief of police to stop charging them.” Alaska’s Legislature in 2000 banned the practice of charging women for rape exam kits — which experts said could cost up to $1,000. Interviews and a review of records turned up no evidence that Palin knew that rape victims were being charged in her town. But Croft, the former state representative who sponsored the law changing the practice, says it seems unlikely Palin was not aware of the issue. “I find it hard to believe that for six months a small town, a police chief, would lead the fight against a statewide piece of legislation receiving unanimous support and the mayor not know about it,” Croft said.The rape kit charges have become an issue among Palin critics who say as governor she has not done enough to combat Alaska’s epidemic problem of violence against women. They point to a small funding increase for domestic violence shelters at a time when Alaska has a multibillion-dollar budget surplus. Victims’ advocates say that services are lacking and that Palin cut funding for a number of programs that treat female victims of violence. One heartbeat away folks. That’s our possible future Vice President. Between her loony pastor, her interesting lack of understanding on some basic foreign policy issues and now this rape kit stuff, she is making Dan Quayle look like rocket science. Sorry, but Sarah Palin just is not ready for prime time. There’s no way that she didn’t know that her chief of police was charging rape victims for the rape examinations. And as to that withcraft stuff in the video, wow! Bristol Palin would have been a better choice for VP.

Bristol Palin, 17, Daughter of VP Hopeful Sarah Palin, is Pregnant

Bristol Palin, Daughter of GOP VP Hopeful Sarah Palin

Following a weekend fueled with all sorts of rumors being posted on sites such as the Daily Kos and other blogs, Governor Sarah Palin, the GOP presumptive nominee for Vice President  in a statment released by the McCain Campaign confirmed Bristol Palin, one of Alaska Gov. Palin’s five children with her husband, Todd, is about five months pregnant and is going to keep the child and marry the father. This follows a weekend of speculation that included rumors that Sarah Palin faked her own pregnancy and this is was actually daughter Bristol who gave birth to Trig Palin.

“Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. As Bristol faces the responsibilities of adulthood, she knows she has our unconditional love and support,” the Palins said.

The Palins asked the news media to respect the young couple’s privacy.

“Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family. We ask the media, respect our daughter and Levi’s privacy as has always been the tradition of children of candidates”

This statement was issued following the “mud slinging lies” the McCain campaign  being circulated on liberal blogs. There was a near hysterical thread with all sorts of conspirarcy theories including the possibility that Governor Palin was the grandmother, not the mother, of Trig, the child she gave birth to in April.

A senior McCain campaign official said the McCain camp was appalled that these rumors had not only been spread around liberal blog sites and partisan Democrats, but also were the subject of heightened interest from mainstream news media.

“The despicable rumors that have been spread by liberal blogs, some even with Barack Obama’s name in them, is a real anchor around the Democratic ticket, pulling them down in the mud in a way that certainly juxtaposes themselves against their ‘campaign of change,”‘ a senior aide said.

McCain announced his choice of Palin in Dayton, Ohio on Friday and she has been hailded by social conservatives for her strong pro-life, pro-gun, tax cutting conservative credentials and has been given a thumbs up by many eveangelicals who are now energized to support this ticket.

McCain Selects Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as VP Running Mate

Governor Sarah Palin (R-Alaska), GOP Presumptive VP Nominee

Senator John McCain announced today that he has chosen Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska to be his vice presidential nominee. This will be the first time a woman has been on the GOP ticket and only the second time a woman has been on a major party ticket (Geraldine Ferarro was Walter Mondale’s running mate in 1984. She is the current Governor of Alaska, and a member of the Republican Party. She is the first female governor of Alaska, its youngest (44) and is the first governor born after Alaska achieved statehood. Brought to statewide attention because of her whistleblowing on ethical violations by state Republican Party leaders, she won election in 2006 by first defeating the incumbent governor Governor Murkowski in the Republican primary, then a former Democratic Alaskan governor Tony Knowles in the general election. Palin is strongly pro-life and belongs to Feminists for Life. She opposes same-sex marriage. She had been touted as a possible running mate for McCain by such conservatives as Rush Limbaugh.  Palin is married, with five children, including an infant born with Down’s Syndrome this April. Details of her personal life have cotributed to her political image, she is an avid hunter and sports enthusiast, eats moose burgers, ice fishes, rides snowmobiles, and owns a float plane Palin holds a lifetime membership with the National Rifle Association. She admits that she used marijuana when it was legal in Alaska, but says that she did not like it. McCain’s choice of Palin is historic for the Republican party with its first woman on the ticket, yet Palin also bring solid conservative credentials which should assuage the uneasiness of the right that has dogged McCain throughout the campaign.

It’s Official: Barack Obama is Officially The Democratic Nominee by Acclamation

Barack Obama, Democratic Nominee for President of the United States

In a moment of party unity, during the roll call of states, the State of New Mexico yielded to Illinois who in turn yielded to New York. Introduced by Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on the convention. Following a motion from the floor of the Democratic National Convention in Denver by Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, the roll call of states was suspended and the Senator Barack Obama was nominated by acclamation by delegates. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has informed the convention that  Barack Obama has officially accepted the nomination and will give his acceptance speech tomorrow evening.

Enough Politics, Here are some sunsets from Salvador, Brazil

The sunset and me in Salvador, Bahia, Brazil Photo by Lacy Puckett

Okay so the one of me is rather small, but check out these

Sunset in Bahia, Photo by Lacy Puckett

These photos were taken by the lighthouse in Salvador, which is also the nautical museum.  It is a popular place to gather for sunset.  You can see why.

Sunset in Bahia 2, Photo by Lacy Puckett

When the sun went down, the crowd broke into applause

Watching the Sunset from the Lighthouse, Photo by Lacy Puckett

My group really enjoyed it and we savored this beautiful site on our last night in Salvador, Brazil

The CCS Gang at Sunset at the Lighthouse, Photo by Lacy Puckett

Then it was time to climb on to the sea cliffs near the ocean and check out the view from there

Tino and I in the Sea Cliffs, Salvador, Bahia, Photo by Lacy Puckett

Tina and I on the cliffs during sunset, Photo by Lacy PuckettThe lighthouse was a focal point of the beach and looked beautiful during the day, and at nightThe Lighthouse/Nautical Museum at Night, Photo by Lacy Puckett

 and thus another day ends in the magical, beautiful city of Salvador, Bahia, Brazil

NBC:Bayh, Kaine out of Obama’s veep race. My Prediction: Biden

My Prediction for Obama's Running Mate: Senator Joe Biden

The text message everyone was waiting for today will go out tomorrow morning, Saturday, just before Barack Obama appears with his running mate at a rally in Springfield, Illinois. The rally is being held at the same site Obama announced his candidacy for the Democratic Nomination. With wild speculation all day that a text message announcing his VP selection would be coming within hours today, NBC reports Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh and Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine have been told by Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama’s campaign they will not be his vice presidential choice. The Associated Press also also reported that a Democratic official close to Kaine said the Virginia governor told associates of Obama’s decision on Friday. There is no time set for the text message/email announcement to supporters. Presumably it will be early to generate enough buzz before the main event – the rally which will open the fall campaign and head the united ticket into next weeks Democratic National Convention. If these reports hold true, I think this may mean Joe Biden is the man. In fact, I will go out on a limb and predict it. This is unconfirmed but the Biden buzz has been unavoidable, and unless its an intentional smokescreen by the campaign, seems to make sense. Joe Biden has a good resume, as chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and his past tenure on the Senate Judiciary Committee.  While he did not gain any traction during his own presidential campaign this year, he did perform well in the debates, and took Obama and Clinton to task. Obama has gone on record as saying he does not want a yes man as vice president, but someone who could give him a clear perspective and tell him when he was wrong. Biden seems to fit the bill, and also ads some gravitas to the ticket. It is unclear how this will play with key constituencies that Obama needs to attract, particularly Clinton Primary Voters. Only time will tell.